guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
