I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wish there were birth control emojis
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
