We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize