he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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