You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
