Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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