I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
