The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
