To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
