youre lurking in front of me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
