that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
