Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
