I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just cut my nipple shaving
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Watching her eat just hurts me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
A+ Viking dick
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
