It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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