So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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