Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
