I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
