I seem to have left my pride at pride
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
