i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
