Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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