Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Found the puke drawer
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
