He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
