Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
