I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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