I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
