You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
