Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
