who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
