Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
