She's JV to your varsity
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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