Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
