Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's just like the Real World with babies
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
