Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
