I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
