So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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