even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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