i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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