Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
