The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
