Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
