i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
