he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
