How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
