Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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