She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
