i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
