I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
