he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
