Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
