Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
