Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
