tell your sister to shave her snatch
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
