Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
