yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
