That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
