When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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