M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
