Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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