Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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