Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
