Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
