What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Girls should come with a carfax report
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think a kid would responsible me up
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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