when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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