I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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