what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
