She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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