god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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