I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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