so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
