no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh god it's open bar.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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